Thursday, April 12, 2012

Day 43: Newsflash!

Guess what?  I am not you.  I have no desire to infect my interpersonal spiritual device with your corrupt operating system.  You've had that virus for so long you think the slowness that has overtaken your reaction time is a normal thing.  In truth, you're diseased and I am relieved that I have escaped with my life.

How you lie to one person is how you lie to the world and yourself.  You try and lie to make yourself a good person.  You try to lie to make yourself the hero of your story.  You try to lie to cover up your flaws. 


I come at the world flaws first but with a resolute code of behavior that is not up for compromise.  I don't lock step.  I don't fall into line with the others.  I don't play nice but I do try to play in reciprocal fashion.  I give what I get.  I don't build a facade of "nice" to hide behind.  I'm not nice, I'm a realist and a pragmatist.  The only person whose hero I have ever been is mine.  I don't know what the hell I'm doing most of the time but I am aware of what I am doing all of the time and I am aware of the impact of my actions on the world and the people around me.  


I am not going to apologize for the skin that has grown over my humanity.  it is thick, plated fleshy armor hiding my vulnerable places.  It is unyielding.  I am not going to apologize for the life that has made it so.  It has shaped me into this form, this being and like a tree that has grown sideways with the wind, I have not grown the same as others around me.


Sometimes I feel very alone.  And I tell myself I was born alone.  I will die alone.  And I'd better get used to being alone with my thoughts and really learn to enjoy being within myself.  Writing it down, it sounds like bullshit.  Humans are social creatures.  We gravitate towards other because we thrive in social groups.  I crave the intimacy of sharing my thoughts and vulnerable places with another human being.


However, we have to go back to my unyielding aforementioned resolute code of behavior.  I don't suffer fools.  I don't candy coat.  I work and play hard and my life is busy and full and wonderfully organic in growth and opportunity.  If you do not have a parallel ethical standard we will not survive in any form of relationship with one another.  Not as lovers.  Not as friends.  Not as colleagues or associates.


I am completely secure in my lack of conformity to the mediocre standard of the lowest common denominator.  You can have half-assed.  You can keep surface level.  You can take your shallow hand me down culture and shove it up your ass.  If you can't be your whole self...if you can't tell the truth about every aspect of your fucked up flaws....if you can't be true to you.....then you won't ever be anything but false to anyone else and I have no intention of being your safe place and confessor.  I have no intention of participating in your fall from grace or impending redemption.


Today's newsflash:  I have no tolerance for your weakness because you've never done any type of strength training to improve the things you can control.

4 comments:

  1. This is WRITING.

    Got your attention? This chick is SLAMMIN'. Throwin' it DOWNTOWN.
    She's inside our heads.
    Thank you, AUTHOR VALENCIA, for something nourishing to read.

    —The Inner Bitch

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  2. Why does it have to be BITCH? Why can't it just be? I don't want to have to wear a bitch label to express my reality. in truth I am sweet, juicy, tender and completely loving. My hard edges only rub up against the things that I cannot allow to touch the soft belly of my joy.

    (but thank you, I love you.)

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  3. You misunderstood. That was MY inner bitch. My BELOVED inner bitch. When you reach my inner BITCH, you've gotten past my outward EDITOR. Standing ovation!

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  4. Awww, thank you. That is immense praise, I know you actually KNOW what you're talking about and it makes me very proud to read your comments.

    ReplyDelete