Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Backstory

hello, I am Nicole Vilencia and I am addicted to instant gratification in the form of social networking.  Facebook has many redeeming features and I love being able to interact with family and friends there.  I love it too much.  I am also a habitual poster.  To be fair, I do a radio show and am a self proclaimed provocateur.  I like making people think and I like sharing information.  In an average day I likely have no fewer than 12 Facebook posts.  A majority of the 600+ people on my friend list are actual friends in life.  A handful are people I've met through discussion groups online whose minds fascinate me.

A friend pointed out that I have been talking about the same goals forever and not doing anything proactive to meet them.  it got me thinking about my own level of personal discipline.  I have always lacked discipline on long term projects.  I prefer things that I can accomplish in bursts of energy and throw out into the universe completed.  Facebook really allows the part of me that is gratified by minor interactions and accomplishments rather than more significant ones to have a place to become further distracted.

I have Facebook on my laptop, which I take to work.  I have it on my Sprint Evo phone, which is always within reach of my person.  I am always Facebook accessible and always have access to Facebook.  I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and grab the phone so i can check Facebook at the same time.  The first thing I do after turning off my alarm is check my Facebook to see what's going on.

In many ways, my social interactions on Facebook have replaced my in person interaction.  I can feel like I'm getting interaction without having to look someone in the eye.  I can bare my heart, tell my secrets, confess my sins and feel loved, validated and redeemed with zero contact with another human being.  This doesn't seem right.

So here I exercise in discipline.  I will post to this blog once per day but I will not interact with any blog comments, although they will be appreciated.  I will leave my Facebook profile active so that friends can tag me and leave comments to the page but I will give my cousin my password and have her change it for me for the 60 day period so that I cannot have access or potential for access.  (Even if I deactivate, I know me....I'll I have to turn it over to someone else.)  Additionally, I'll be doing a 60 day juice fast in complement with my Facebook fast.  I'm attempting to restart my system, physically, socially and emotionally.

I am curious to see who I actually have contact with during this time.  Who among those who are so active in my day to day life right now, will seek me out in a less convenient way.  Who will write letters or call.  Who will show up in person and prompt interaction in a real and meaningful way.  Mostly though, I am curious to see if I can recreate my paradigm in a way that allows me to be as fascinating to myself as the hundreds of Facebook friends I follow are each day.  If I will become as interested in helping me and meeting my goals as a result of this new kind of discipline.

I don't think it will be easy.  I think it will be lonely.  I think I'd better have a list of things to do to keep my brain busy so that when I have the urge to explore it is simply not an option.  I hope to keep my computer closed more and my mind open more.  I hope for more walks with my daughter and my dog and the tangible evidence of time well spent towards meeting my personal and professional goals.

Best regards,

Nicole Vilencia